youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
