My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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