if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
