dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
