Are we in a gay sports bar?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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