having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Send help, water and tortillas.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
