Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
