you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
