so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Randomize