Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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