My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
