need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
