No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
