I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
