I just pynch a tree in the face
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
