come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
