i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
