I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
