I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize