i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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