theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
