Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
