She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
