he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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