I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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