i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
