I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
