I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
