some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
