Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
