i just wanna soil my oats bro
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
