Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Less talking, more tequila
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You are a genius and a whore.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
