so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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