The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize