Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
