Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
