I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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