she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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