Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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