the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
