Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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