I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
