With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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