well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize