maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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