i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
