Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
