you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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