Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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