I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
