I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
