i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
