At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize