Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize