oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
