Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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