so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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