My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
