I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
