I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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