Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I intend to get homeless drunk
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize