This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
