I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
