I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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