Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
