Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
