we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize