you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
