Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
