Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
