i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
