He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
