she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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