I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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