I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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