She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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