dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
