She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
