found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
