Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
