i just sent this text using only my big toe
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize