You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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