I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
