Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
