I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
