Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
