im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
