I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she peed on how many people?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
