Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
