i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
