Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
