remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Are we still banned from the library?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
