Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
