just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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