Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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