I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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