My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
