My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize