hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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