No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
