They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
