well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
