we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
