dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
