and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
