Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
