I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
