I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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