I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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