I wish I could teleport
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
