What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
