i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
