I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
