After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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