the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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