While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
