Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize