i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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