I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
