You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
